My confession

Today I recalled a hurt.  I thought I had let it go.  I thought I had moved on.  It was long ago.  Many years ago... when I was much younger.  The relationships have moved on...  and yet, there I was... remembering a comment made... and how it made me feel... and for a second, I wanted to hurt back.

The truth is... I have forgiven.  The truth is I love the person who made the comment.  The truth is I have let go of all this before. 

I confessed it to Vicki when I felt it... and I felt ashamed.  I wanted to be stronger than that.  I want to be pure in heart.  I dream to be a man who so closely follows Christ that things like this don't tempt me.  But, really, this was beyond tempting.  For a second I entertained it.  I thought about it.  I savored the thought of the comeback.  And that makes me sad.

I understand now better than ever why David would write, "Search me Oh God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  Psalm 139:23,24

I am a product of a grace.  I am highly loved... and every day I become stronger.  I remember that I am not all that I will be... but I am also not all that I was.

This is my confession.